Trapped Somewhere

It is a perfect day. The weather is unusually good for chilling summer season. A quiet day and the touch of the breeze on my skin is really making me feel blissful. The usual customers are busy playing chess, and I ordered a cup of tea. Some students are talking about their first experience in their colleges. They don’t seem to be happy about the Orientation Day. It was a remark about English that rang a bell in my mind.

Now when I look back on my first experience in the college, all the seemingly unrelated things appear to be a well-knitted scheme of destiny. The horrendous speech by the principal and his terrible English were enough to ruin my day’s expectations. I thought I was falling asleep on my chair when a sweet voice with a beautiful English accent brought me back to my senses. I saw a girl with spectacles. That oval face was imprinted on my mind for ever. “I want to talk to this girl” was something that I said to myself. Hardly could I know that my wish would be fulfilled and in a way that would make a lasting mark on my life; she was in the same class with me!

The classes began with a slow pace with only boys around. Gradually some girls started pouring in. It was funny how there were only 3 girls  while the boys wished for more! One day, our English teacher asked one of the girls about the structure of the present tense. The correct answer that she gave was nothing when compared to the “way” she  gave the answer. Later, when I took a glimpse of her, I found that she was reading the third chapter . She was way ahead of us. It was all that I needed to start a conversation, for English and people who speak English always attract me. I asked her if she had read any of Shakespeare’s work and we shared our views on the English language. That was it! In no time I had made a new friend.

Our friendship grew slowly but with firm roots that would stand the test of time. We shared our assignments and walked back home together. Every day there was a fresh topic to be discussed on the way to home. Whether it was our personal egos or our different personalities that raged the usual arguments, I don’t know. It was  the topic of “Naruto” that she and my friend started to keep me silent sometimes for I knew nothing about it. On one rainy day I and my friend offered her an umbrella to return home , and consequently we were completely drenched on our way back. Even today when I walk on that way, I feel those old memories come to life. Somewhere there I feel a part of my soul is trapped: an innocent , loving and pure part of my soul.

I remember having told her that those memories were something of immense value to me, and long after we would part our ways, the memories would still be with me. Now I know how true those words of mine are. Like a distant moon, I can only admire her, crave for her but cannot touch her.

The boys have left and I have finished my tea. Strangely, the song “kati kura navanera nai meetha hunchan” is being played. “Isn’t it a great classic song?” the man by my side asked. “Some things are not meant to be achieved. They are beautiful the way they are. Some feelings are better left unexpressed; that way those feelings retain their purity, for they are not founded on the false base of expectations and desire.”

“Yes, I completely agree” , I said.

It was a perfect day.

I Am a Madhesi

 

Am I a Madhesi? This is the question that I have never asked myself but was destined to confront throughout my life. Well, there is no specific definition of Madhesi and no holy book( or any book for that matter) gives any hint to the true identity of a Madhesi. The widely felt belief is that anybody whose mother tongue is Bhojpuri, Maithili , Tharu or Awadhi is to be regarded as a Madhesi. This is just another way of saying that people whose mother tongue is not Nepali or Newari are outsiders.

The culture and language that the people living in the Terai share with some of that of Indian states are the two factors that often tempt people living in Kathmandu to regard their fellow brothers as Indians. I have a question for them. Who is a Nepali?

The accidental birth of some people in the Newari or Nepali speaking family is attributed to the birth-cirtificate of being a Nepali. Strangely, the Interim Constitution of Nepal asserts that anyone can claim the citizenship of Nepal if he is born in Nepal, irrespective of the nationality of his parents. Once I read an article in an English daily about a foreigner who couldn’t get Nepali citizenship despite having lived in Nepal for more than 20 years. This means Nepal is not a country for you if you are born in a Non- Nepali speaking family. No, you can’t call Nepal yours even if you have lived here for quarter of a century. No, you can’t call Nepal yours even if you have an unmatched devotion for her. More importantly, if you are born in a Bhojpuri speaking family, you are an Indian in the eyes of general people. And if you happen to converse in Hindi, Nepal will seem to be an alien land for you.

Here is something that I want to point about Hindi. Long ago, the slc board was affilitated to Indian universities. Yes, your great grandfathers were educated in the Hindi language. Laxmi Prasad Devkota , the greatest Nepali poet , was the one who used hindi words in his works quite frequently. He even wrote two epics on Indian heroes: Prithvi Raj Chauhan and Maharana Pratap. Well, nobody calls him Indian even if he is the one who said “Manis thulo dil le huncha(dil is a Hindi word; mutu is the Nepali word) jaata le hudaina” The great poet begged the world to judge a man from his deeds and not by his birth. Hardly could he imagine a future where people would be judged by their mother tongue.

When I was in my hometown , I never had to certify my nationality. But things are quite different in Kathmandu. I am a teacher and recently a student asked me if I was a dhoti( dhoti is a word used in a derogatory sense to address Indians ). That’s not all. I was in the library of The Tri- Chandra College and the librarians asked me if I was from Bara. I was shocked at their guess and asked them how they found out about my hometown. They said,” All Madhesi are black and it’s quite easy to identify them from their looks.” Once the grand daughter of my landlord was shocked to find out that I was not Indian. Strangely she thought that my brother was a Bahun. Now that’s funny. I never knew I was carrying an Indian face all these days and my very brother( who has a fair complexion and fine Nepali accent) was a Bahun.   Newars do not find it odd speaking in Newari in public places so why should we find it uncomfortable to speak in Bhojpuri. To add more humour and fun, even my friend( who is a Madhesi by genral rules and beliefs of people dwelling in Kathmandu) made fun of my affected Nepali accent. He enjoyed mocking me thinking that I was a typical uneducated Madhesi. Such incidents and countless other painful experiences forced me to accept that I was a Madhesi for everyone and not to be ever regarded as a Nepali.

I am the same person who won the first prize in an essay competition organized by the Indian Embassy having title “The Relationship between Nepal and India.” I am the boy who has won several prizes in the competitions focused on patriotism. My essay “ The New Constitution of Nepal for Me” secured the fourth position in nation wide competition. Today, in the capital city I am struggling to prove that I am a Nepali and not an Indian. Who am I?

The Price

If your pocket is light, you have no right to fall in love. If a girl’s youth were something that could wait for the establishment of a boy’s career , majority of love stories would be successful. This is the the chief reason why boys from a weak economic background are not strong enough to confess their love. On the contrary, it is the chief reason why girls end up marrying a stout , old, rich brat even though there resides somebody else in their heart. No wonder, Anton Chekov implied in his stories that you should better stifle your love before its roots hold to your heart strongly.

Tum chale jaoge toh sochenge Ham ne kya khoya , ham ne kya paaya Tum ko dekha to yeh khayal aaya……

 

Yes, you went away. You couldn’t stand my face, my words, let alone my feelings. You still think that I am a bee hovering around a thousand flowers in pursuit of nectar. You think that my love is like a flowing river, never settling at a place and always playing with the feelings of those smoother pebbles that come across my way. Oh that mistake of yours! Why couldn’t you see the immense depth of a silent ocean? It’s been like living in a dense forest: my voices don’t reach you; my feelings don’t touch you anymore; those memory don’t haunt you anymore ; my face doesn’t exist for you anymore. Of course, you don’t want me anymore.

I always wanted to meet a girl like you and when you came in my life I just couldn’t believe on my luck. All those days , it was the similarities, though a few in number, that counted for me but I don’t know why you were always bothered by the differences we had. What kind of life would it be if all the people we met were like-minded? The true, no , the truer understanding comes when we are in the company of people sharing views that are totally different from ours.

Never before had I met a girl who had such an amazing personality. The fragrance of your charm never failed to captivate others. You , like I remember, were always ready to help others even if they wronged you. In you I could see some of the qualities that are inherent in an ideal student. It was you who broadened my horizon of experiences. Yes, it was you who brought that smile on my face. I don’t know why it troubled you so much. The happiness that I relished in your company still lingers around me even though you are miles away from me. Once you had mentioned that in absence of response and recongnition even love sheds its leaves; it withers away with time.I believe that you didn’t mean it for I have witnessed the existence of love even in the lonely and deserted island named “ I Don’t Care”. I never wanted anything in return and never had any expectations. All I wanted to do was to be honest to my feelings and not stifle those feelings in my heart just because the logic of my brain thought contrary to what I felt. What place does logic have in the realm of Heart? You made it clear that you didn’t want to be a friend with me anymore. So be it. Everyday I try to erase every atom of memory that I have of yours but I can’t, I just can’t. The pages of my diary are flooded with such incidences. Rarely do I ink down anything in my diary these days that do not revive those old memories. Time may change me and perhaps there will be lots of new people and stories  to think of; but  you will always be in my mind and heart.

Now that you are gone, I ask myself what did I lose? A very good friend. What did I gain? The company and care of those whom I had not valued.Will I treat my feelings like a discarded trash or will I let it hang like a beautiful picture on the walls of my heart? I will preserve it within myself. What shall be my attitude towards those who might , in coming future, express their feelings for me? I will acknowledge it and respect it because it’s always a bliss to be liked and cared by others than to be a seed of hatred for them. Shall I give up on love? No.Shall I act like a man going through trauma and tragedy? No, I will always be that same shyam for whom life is full of surprises, unexpected turn, bitter and sweet flavours. I shall still be the Shyam cause life is beautiful!

Aside

(The world is really strange. If you talk anything that favours girls, you are either subjected to the criticism of being a feminist or you are looked down upon by the girls themselves. Nevertheless, I have ventured to write something that was in my mind for years. The essay might be long for those unusually stupid readers who have never read any novel. It is just a prequel to my next essay that will deal with how girls are the ultimate source of annoyance to boys. There might be some sentences that may hurt the sentiments of some readers and in that case I say “Readers’ discretion is expected”

 

 

 

 

Why does a girl’s company matter?    

 

“I am not like you. I have things like career and family to focus on. You guys always talk about girls. Don’t you have any other important things to do? I am telling you, if you don’t get out of such habits, you will realize that the ultimate cause of your doomsday is nothing but girls.”

       We do come across such jerks who think that boys who have girlfriends are good-for-nothing fellows. In their perspective, a boy who keeps company of girls has no ambition in life. For them girls are nothing but a source of distraction. They think that one earns the right of enjoying a girl or a woman’s company only after marriage (Did that sound otherwise??). The society in which they grew up has only one message for them: the act of conversing with opposite sex has to be considered as an early symptom of prostitution. There are people who find it extremely disturbing to find their sons chatting with girls in schools. Even in high schools teachers won’t allow a boy and a girl to sit together. People like them think that the so-called modern minded boys are sunk in moral depravity.

       I remember being taught an essay titled Aaimai Saathi when I was in high school. The most amusing thing that my classmates found was that the essayist, Shyam Prashad Sharma, shared not only his views but also his initials with me. Well, I must say that the essay was really an honest attempt on the part of the essayist to try to bring a positive change in the society and to establish sexual equality on a noticeable level. Now I may not be persuasive and lucid in my style on the same level as that of the essayist, but there are a few reasons why I consider that boys should befriend girls:

 

  1. To learn good manners: My brother who is usually grumpy and cross with anyone and everyone has completely a different personality when it comes about handling girls. I think that he needs a divine help to digest his meal if he can’t ruin somebody’s day but just the same, he needs a few minutes’ talk with a girl to get back in that “shall I help you?” mood. We might smirk at this example but it is surprisingly universal in effect. No matter how bad your day went or that your father insulted you in front of your neighbours, soothing and consoling words of your girlfriend can prove to be more efficient than anything else. Once I asked my friend what would it feel like watching an item-song while sharing company with a girl? Will we be whistling or shouting like we usually do among our friends? I bet not. We will try to be chivalrous and decent. I don’t think we boys will ever be able to fool girls like that; they know that we are real KAMINEYS when there’s an item song or a sizzling scene going on. Nevertheless, it always pays us to behave decently when there’s a girl (probably a sister) around. To sum up, girls are some kind of teachers who do teach us some good manners.
  2. To be hygienic and good-looking. Imagine a room filled with the clothes of six untidy boys. Did you get the picture? Let’s add some details: a room where shocks and underwears are thrown on beds, books are scattered on the floor and lots of those magazines are lying on the shelf. Well what about the boys in the room? Uhmm, a boy who’s still planning to shave his beard and another one is still unsure whether to take a bath or not. A few select with some dashing features are giving display of their packs. Now you get the picture! What happens if a cousin (a girl) of one of the boys calls and says that she will be staying for a couple of hours? The whole room will set in action. The boy with the beard hurries to complete his shaving whereas the stinking one shall at once go for the shower. The machos will be busy bringing the house to order. That’s the influence of girls on boys’ hygiene. A sentence from one of my own friends (a girl of course) goes like this: “Boys will be boys. If they are in love, you can just guess it by their looks. They will be using all the latest cosmetics and fairness creams available in the market. They can be spotted giving poses in front of mirrors. Why not be conscious of your looks from the very beginning?” I think that there is a speck of truth in that hilarious and sarcastic sentence. So, having a girlfriend won’t make you look like Ranveer Kapoor in a day but at least you will have improved much.
  3. To know your own emotional part: It’s beyond doubt that girls are a big dam of emotions and always ready to release the flood in form of tears. It’s often the case that a boy will have to surrender his weapon of logic if a girl uses her infallible weapon of tears. Such highly emotional traits won’t do for boys. So what’s there for us to expect? I guess that it is only in a girl’s company that we boys learn to attach values to small and beautiful moments of our life. Yes, girls will make you crazy because you will have to store lots of dates in your memory bank. On the positive note, you will have a list of pleasant memories to fall back on during your difficult times. You will realize that a mere recalling of the joyful events of past can give you strength to fight the misery of the present.
  4. To have that aesthetic effect in life: They say a thing of beauty is joy forever. Rudyard Kipling went so far as to state that some girls will always remain in men’s mind even if they just walk down the street. I guess that when it comes to evaluating a girl’s beauty we boys have no match. Perhaps it’s in our genes. I remember that I and my friend used to spend our time at Krishna Mandir every Saturday. We used to observe the beauty of all the girls passing by and rank them from 1 to 5 on account of their beauty. Definitely we boys have done such stupid things in some part of our life, haven’t we? It may appear to some orthodoxies and hypocrites that it is not morally good to do such stuffs. But hey, who cares? I am against anything that harasses girls or promotes social evils. But as long as they keep this game to themselves, it’s a bit of fun. If you think that I am suggesting something wrong then go and look in your art galleries and museums. All the great painters, poets and sculptors have created works primarily dealing with the beauty of girls. I don’t think that the qualities like compassion and respect for nature can flourish without the development of aesthetic taste.

 

There’s an additional personal message from me for those who have not befriended a girl. Girls encompass about fifty percent of the population of youth. In such case how can we even think of thriving towards social equality by keeping ourselves out of touch from girls? The things I have advocated, I guess, do help later in marital life. An early exposure to good company of girls helps a lot to create sexual tolerance in life. I think that if we boys have healthy social interactions with girls, we won’t look on them as mere things to be exploited. That’s the harsh reality. A man who has never had a social relationship with a girl is more likely to indulge himself in the crimes we witness regularly in our society. It is still the readers’ choice to evaluate whether a girl’s company matters or not.

 

Aside

(This is my first essay and I have put a great deal of work in it. It encompasses the ideas ranging from the subjects of maths, physics to chess. To write an essay on definitions was not an easy task. There are a lot of questions which were never answered. I was lucky to have discovered some of the answers myself. In this process, I have learnt that you cannot wholly rely on teachers for all your questions. Sometimes you have to make a leap, take that risk and go on for adventures. The very topic might sound boring to some of you but it is, in some sense, a collection of my good and bad experiences. The two instances illustrated are purely fictional. This essay is more of a conversation and I too need explanations on some topics.

Any grammatical mistake that might have cropped up still represents incompetence on my part. Healthy suggestion about improving my way of writing is what I need the most. Those of you who can clear my fog of ignorance are warmly welcomed.  )

 

 

                              

 

     On  Definitions

               

“If you understand a mathematical term but cannot express it in words or define it precisely, you are in the dark world of illusion. This illusion of knowledge is a real threat to students. The good students susceptible to this threat can never become better students.”

                                                                         – Anonymous

 

 

An old man enters the classroom. We can hardly call him bald since the remains of hair are still noticeable on some parts of his head. A pair of thick glasses clearly tells us that his head is a deposit box of information. The way he picks up a marker and scribbles on the white board provides us with sufficient hints to guess his personality. What do we call a man like that? Oh yes, a teacher of mathematics.

The students try to focus more on his bad art which gradually turns out to be an equation. The equation runs as follows:

                  ϴc=S/r

The teacher clearly explains everything regarding the topic and then demonstrates how the equation can be applied in various problems. The students are then put to an immediate test. Krishna, the topper of the class, solves all the problem with little difficulty. Fairly content with himself he says, “Sir, I have solved all the problems.”

“Good! Can you define a radian?”

“It’s a circular measure of an angle.”

“Well that was not a definition, I guess.”

“Why do I need to define it? I know it.”

“Your inability to define it shows your incompetence, whereas your unwillingness shows your ignorance.”

One may be tempted to compare this particular case with the famous scene of the bollywood movie 3 Idiots.

Ranchhod Das Chhanchad, an exceptionally talented student, is asked to define a machine. Instead of giving the textbook answer, he defines a machine as:

“Anything that simplifies a man’s work is a machine.”

The teacher is quite disappointed by such an answer. He, then, asks the same question to Chatur Ramalingam. Chatur comes to his teacher’s rescue and defines a machine in no less than, I guess, 50 words.

There follows a very good scene in which Ranchhod teaches all of us the importance of economy of words.

The reader might jump at the conclusion that definitions do nothing but only come in the way of true understanding of concepts. As I see, the case is just the opposite.

Being unable to grasp the subtle ideas embodied in definitions, teachers often commit a public offence which is then transferred from one student to another unless, of course, there is someone more vigilant.

For instance, once some students were taking lectures on circular motion. The teacher had to explain how a body moving in a circular path can have acceleration despite having a constant speed. The very first sentence of the teacher was horrifying for a student. The teacher (instead of saying constant speed in a circular path) said that a body moving with a constant velocity in a circular path can have acceleration. The student retorted back by saying that a body cannot have uniform velocity in a circular path. The teacher should have realized his mistake but he had his own dignity to defend. He chose the safer way by saying that both the terms were acceptable. No wonder, this mistake then turned into a public mistake.

Of course, the aforementioned case can easily be forgotten. However, there are some cases to be dealt with much more carefulness. Hundreds of students have encountered problems in trigonometry in which it is required to compute the sine of angle 720 . Nobody even bothers to ask why 361has no meaning in plane geometry but 1 million degree does make sense in trigonometry. It may be even more surprising to know that Euclid, the author of Elements , never measured an angle in degrees, grades, radians or any such units. Without measuring an angle like that how could he lay the foundation of all the geometry that we learnt in high schools? The answer is in his definition of an angle. His definition of right angle is:

“If one straight line stands on another straight line, it makes two adjacent angles. If both the angles are equal, either of them is called a right angle.”

The common definition of a right angle is:

“An angle in measurement 90 is called a right angle.

So basically, it is the right angle which comes first in history and then the degree measurement.  Did it surprise you? Well, try proving two angles to be equal without using a protractor. How would you say that one angle equals the other without using specific measurements like 30? If you can do it, you will probably admire the beauty of geometry.

As a chess player I always prefer to teach a beginner the knight’s move by using a board rather than explaining him in words. It is because even a man with average talent can learn it by actually watching other players move. If he tries to consult a chess book then he finds himself in the middle of nowhere. Following are the standard definitions of a knight’s move:

  1.  A knight moves in an L shape. It moves two squares straight and then one square perpendicular to the former ones.
  2.  A knight kept on a square moves to the opposite corner of a 2×3 rectangle.
  3. A knight kept on a square moves to any one of the closest squares not on its diagonal, rank or file.

The first is a layman’s definition. The second is a refined definition and the third is the most beautiful of all. Why beautiful? Put a queen in the central square of a 5×5 square. Mark off the squares not controlled by a queen. Now remove the queen and put a knight on the same square and observe. You are bound to find the third definition superior to all others!

 

In physics and often in real life, it is practical and even sensible to drop out definition altogether. Sir Isaac Newton once said,” I won’t define Time. Everybody knows what time is.”

Hardly had he imagined that about two and a half centuries later some man would astound the whole world with his perception of Time. We all know his name: Albert Einstein

He is the one to state that time and spaces are related.

If you are a physics student, try to recall what you understand by a charge. Can you define it? Benjamin Franklin discovered the existence of two opposite types of charges. Did he prove one kind to be positive and the other to be negative? No. He named the two charges positive and negative. The rest is history. Now there’s an interesting point. If he had named the two charges in the reverse way, the world would have been a lot easier. The electrons would have positive charge then. Besides, the definition of electric potential would surely make some sense. Electromagnetism would be so beautiful then. There wouldn’t be any doubt about the sign conventions.

There’s another interesting example. The definition of one metre has been defined three times by the International Bureau of Weights and Measures. Why were the definitions changed? The current definition is: the distance travelled by light in 1÷299792458 second in vacuum. For God’s sake, why to use that complex number for defining one metre when following definition would be a lot simpler:

Distance travelled in 1 millionth of a second

Or,

Distance travelled in 100 thousand of a second

There’s a very good explanation for it but I leave my readers to discover it themselves.

Well, the most irritating definition in physics for me is that of energy. They say that energy is the capacity of doing work. Now tell me how you wish me to have a physical insight about something defined in such an abstract way. Einstein added more to my misery. His famous equation e=mc2 states the relationship between mass and energy. Mass is something having a physical existence and which we can perceive by one or more of our sense organs. Now how can something called mass be related with energy which is capacity of doing work. The word capacity is abstract. How are these things related? I wish someone could answer it for me.

It needs experience and an open-minded attitude to relish the taste of definitions and the concepts hidden within. I don’t want to be dogmatic and hence, would not give my own opinion. I leave my readers to decide whether the bald headed teacher was right or not.